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If Singleness is a Blessing, Why Does it Feel Like a Curse?

By Fern Horst

If anyone has asked this question, I have! I've read the passages in the Bible that explain the blessings for those who are single, and the blessing that singles can be in the Body of Christ. I believe them. But why don't I always feel that way?

I'd venture to say I'm not alone in this predicament. In fact, if letters I've received from singles are any indication, I know I'm not! I have appreciated hearing the many thoughts and perspectives which have ranged from one end of the spectrum to the other. Some have written of the blessings of singleness and they inspire me, such as this one: "I have accepted my singleness and that it is a gift from God. Because of that, I find it as a blessing not only to myself from God but to others. As a result, it brings glory to God. I would be disappointed if I got married soon because I feel there is a lot that I need to do for God."

But there are also responses that reflect the other end of the spectrum, and my heart goes out to individuals who are feeling these emotions strongly: "Singleness to me is like a curse in my life because I so much would like to share my life with someone."

We cannot deny that, while there are blessings especially for the Christian single, there are also desires that go unfulfilled. The desires for companionship and sexual fulfillment are very normal, and they pull strongly at times.

Another troublesome area which Christian singles often experience is the difficulty of finding a niche at church, and even feeling rejected because of not having a romantic partner: "Singleness is a total curse in my life. All of my friends have someone. My church is geared towards families. If you are not part of a couple you are not invited anywhere. You are a total misfit. I feel like a total freak. I HATE MY LIFE!!!!!!"

Although singleness provides greater opportunity for devotion to the Lord and His work, not everyone realizes this and Church leaders don't always provide these opportunities. Another person also wrote about this dilemma: "Singles are often locked out of being effective at a local church because of its family orientation. Pastors stand up and say singleness is a blessing, but we're excluded from the mainstream life of the church. The majority of married people don't want to be friends with singles."

Many churches are sadly neglecting their responsibility to the singles in their midst; it is to the detriment of these churches, I might add. By excluding singles and all that they can add to the Body of Christ, the Church suffers because a vital number of its members are not free to function fully as God intended. There are certain approaches we as singles can and should take to address this dilemma. But when we've done all we know to do to make a difference in our churches and our fellow Christians continue to treat us as though we're not quite human, we can end up feeling even more rejected and alone.

So what do we do about these situations in our churches? What do we do with our strong desires? How can we keep from adopting the negative perspective of ourselves as singles that is thrown at us from all sides?

Hard as it may be, we must still take take God at His Word regarding His perspective of singleness, and we must still take responsibility to fulfill His purposes for us, regardless of what others are thinking, saying, and doing. This is a hard thing to do when incorrect perspectives are shouting at us, sometimes subtly and sometimes not so subtly. But this is all the more reason to saturate ourselves with God's perspective. When we know the truth, it sets us free, as Jesus said in John 8:32. As we come to believe God's Truth about ourselves, we are set free to experience blessing and to fulfill our God-given purpose.

This may very well seem like a pat answer to some. Nevertheless, in its simplicity is the key to moving beyond the despair and entrapment of what seems like a curse, into a life of blessing and opportunity. Remember this: the Christian life is about eternity, not just life here on this planet. Marriage and singleness do not exist in heaven, but both of them are important institutions now to fulfill God's purposes for us as individuals and for His Kingdom. Seize the gift you have now, this day, and make the most of it! Tomorrow you may hold a different gift; make sure you don't look back on today with regret.

© 1999 Fern Horst

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    Singleness: A Blessing or a Curse? by Fern Horst

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