Encouragement

[joyous]

Daniela,

In your post you wrote, "...hard for me to live my life with the outlook that I may have to stay single."  To me you are still young.  My nephew got married last Sept. at the age of 38 & his wife is about the same age -- first marriage for both (however, neither are believers - but still they both married at a later age).

God's Word is so comforting & our Heavenly Father gives us so much wise counsel.  In Matthew He tells us "to not be anxious for tomorrow... each day has enough trouble of its own"  Young gal, none of us know what the future holds.  God doesn't want us to speculate what may or may not happen.  He wants us just to think about today because that's all we can really handle.  For anyone it is overwhelming to wonder what might happen down the road.  He doesn't want us to handle our entire life all at once.

"Don't be anxious about tomorrow" -- God calls us to live each day one at a time.  He's not asking you to look down through life imagining you'll be single FOREVER.  Yes, you are single for today, but... God's plans for you are good.  Nothing will ever happen to you that He doesn't already know about.  Nothing that ever happens to you is a mistake.  God will use everything that happens to you for His glory -- He will use it for His good.  Don't let the thoughts of "what if" rob you from the peace & joy He wants to give you for today.  I too thought I wouldn't be single at MY age.  The younger years were harder, but now... some days it's hard... if I allow myself to think about things God has told me not to think about (usually lies from the enemy or my self-pity).  Now I can't believe how quickly life goes by -- where has all this time gone?  What have I done with my life as a Christian single woman?  If I were married I'd ask, "What have I done with my life as a Christian married woman?"  What have I done for the Lord?

I can get negative with my thinking and start complaining to the Lord.  "What will happen if I can't take care of myself when I'm older?  I have no one to take care of me."   "I'll have to work forever because I can't afford to live on the retirement I'll get.  Others have their spouse or kids or grandkids to help them, I have nobody."  "My job is getting harder.  I've never done anything else, what will I do?"  In my mind I'm thinking if I had gotten married & had children somehow I would not have any of those problems.  Perhaps I wouldn't have the things I worry about, but there'd be other things.

Singles ask,"why aren't I married?"  Married people ask, "Why did I ever marry him (or her)?"  "I wish I hadn't."  Whether we are single or married have children or are childless God oversees every detail of our lives.  He is using those things to "complete the good work in us."

I have a friend that had a baby last year.  They had tried for a long time to get pregnant.  Her pregnancy was very difficult.  At five months she was admitted to hospital & put on bed rest because she was starting to go into labor & the drs. were trying to stop it.  Things went well for a short time, but she delivered him at six months.  He was in the hospital for several months before he could be brought home.  He has had a lot of problems.  He is not developing like other children.  When you see him you can tell he has special needs.  He is year now & still not crawling or walking...  When I think of the problems I think I have -- when I look down 40 more years of singleness I can begin to feel sorry for myself.  But when I think of my friend I think how difficult things must be for her & her husband.  I think of how they have to control their thoughts & not worry about what will happen to him in 20 yrs. or they won't be able to meet his needs for today.  Then I always think, perhaps by me being single God is protecting me from some type of other heartache that would be more unbearable for me.   But the Lord gave this little boy the parents he needed that will love him unconditionally & will be the apple of their eye.

Keep on loving Jesus & remembering He has your best interest at heart.  Yes, the Word talks about God giving us the desires of our heart.  But since He is God and knows all things... but I think sometimes what we desire may not be best for us.  Couples desire children, yet remain childless.  People who are paralyzed desire to walk, yet God does not heal them.  God has His reasons.  Daily as we draw closer to Him sometimes those desires change.  Just keep remembering how much He loves you, His plans for you are good, all things work together for His good, He will complete the good work in you -- molding you into the image of Jesus, and you are the apple of His eye.  These things are true & God tells us in Philippians to think about those things that are true & lovely & to not worry about anything.

Some things this little, old lady has learned !  Being 51 AND ssstttillll NOT married isn't the worst thing that can happen in one's life  !   God is good ALL the time.

 

[lizziejane]

I would really appreciate prayer if you feel led to do so. I'm in a job where Im surrounded by a number of attractive, intelligent men who flirt with me, and who are not Christians. It's a daily battle for me to keep trusting God that he loves me, and will provide what I need when I need it. I need to learn to be content, as you mentioned, so that I don't get angry and resentful. It would be easier to run away and join a Convent I think! but I know God is trying to build something good into my life. Thanks.

[ThyWillBeDone]

Nancy, I know churches mean well when they have a focus on marriage, but I wonder how many pastors realize the ramifications for those who are not married, especially when it is part of the normal worship service that everyone attends.

I can't help but think that if more emphasis was placed on a personal committed relationship with the Lord, rather than on specific human relationships, that every person's life would become more effective, as well as more marriages saved. I fear that a focus on marriage ends up being a focus on *my* personal needs, even for the singles who are listening in, and little is accomplished in the long run. Many marriages are in trouble these days, there's no doubt, but it doesn't seem that all the many marriage seminars and "focus on the family" type of ministries are making much of a dent. Constantly peering inward rather than outward, whether we're married or single, is never very profitable.

Anyway, I digress, except that I think the same remedy is needed for both marrieds and unmarrieds who are struggling with discontentment: a commitment to deepening our relationship with the Lord, and a realization that our relationship with Him is what brings us the deepest satisfaction in life.

This is such a great thread, I wanted to resurrect it!   
I 2nd Fern here.

LizzieJane, I, like you, have worked a number of jobs where I am surrounded by non-Christians.    IMHO, the best thing you can do for them, is *MODEL* *JESUS*.     Being content is good, but *FAR* better, is thinking about all those souls who need Jesus.     "All we like sheep have gone astray...  "
They may *APPEAR* to be attractive, & intelligent on the outside, but, inside, where it really matters, they have *NOTHING* w/o Jesus!

As Fern suggests, we have to get our eyes off of ourselves, & onto *JESUS*  [Heb 12:2] & that means, forgetting about our needs & desires (sorry, but that's what JESUS did!) & thinking about what others need.     Those men (wouldn't matter if they were women, same issue here) NEED JESUS.   
In fact, *YOU* may be the only JESUS they'll ever see!
This is why Jesus said, "Let your light so shine before men (& women) so they may see your good works, & glorify your father in heaven.

Are you, are *WE*, being lights for Jesus?    If not, I challenge all of us, to let our lights shine!   

[lizziejane]

Hello
Someone must have prayed for me, cos the situation has turned around. I agree with you re being there to show Jesus to my colleagues, male or female. Since writing last time, I have got a prayer partner and we pray together over the phone every week to 10 days about this situation. I'm so excited at how God has changed my perspective. Daily I'm praying for the salvation of one man in particular, and I know that God is at work even though at the moment I can't SEE any indication of it. It's just great. Thanks to whoever it was that prayed - I'm in a much better place now.

[Fern]

Praise God, Lizziejane. That's wonderful news. It's neat how sometimes God changes our circumstances in answer to prayer, and other times He changes our perspective. I pray things continue to go well. Thanks for coming back and sharing this.

[Johnny1979]

God Bless You.  I hope u stay blessed being single and I hope u experience the full potential of being his child.   

[lizziejane]

Thanks Johnny for your kind words. Just to add to your comment...I'm not settling for singleness. It's just for now.

[ThyWillBeDone]

I'm glad 2 hear you got a prayer partner, & are able to pray for others. 

Stay close to Jesus---sometimes He's all we have in this world.