But then I found a copy of Jesus Freaks at Wal-Mart, and while waiting for my friends to be done with their shopping, I read some of the testimonies in it. It didn't take me long to be in tears. I read about men, women, boys and girls of today who had been tortured for Christ. They withstood persecution and refused to deny Jesus to the very end. The youngest martyr in this book was a five-year-old girl who chose to go to prison rather than to deny Christ.

Such nobility of spirit and purity of faith broke my heart. I cried because I realized that those martyrs had something beautiful that I didn't have. I wanted the joy and love that they had found in Jesus. I was thinking, "Forget marriage, this is IT! This is what I've been longing for – a relationship as deep as theirs with the Lord, a faith that sustained them and gave them intense joy. The occasional joy I found in my sporadic quiet time with Jesus paled in comparison to their authentic joy and their rock solid relationship with Him. They had a joy and a faith like fire, blazing and all consuming.

I realized that I'd been missing out on the real Christian life. I hate being left out of a good thing, and those people had something that was the highest and best thing that anyone could wish for. I knew that the happiness they got from their relationship with Jesus was the great happiness I'd always wanted I realized that such joy and sweet fellowship with Christ was available to me. It has always been available to me, but I was just too blind to get it. I never realized until then that all my dreams of happiness could find their fulfillment in my relationship with Jesus.

I thought, "Now I know what I want. How do I get it?" So I read the biographies of people who had the kind of relationship I wanted with Christ to find out what they did differently. My three favorites were the life stories of Keith Green, Samuel Morris (Kaboo), and George Mueller. What struck me most was how God responded to them. My own relationship with God seemed one-way: I'd pray to Him and get no response. At least I'd not get a response like Keith Green, Samuel Morris, and George Mueller did. It was like God talked to them and they could hear Him clearly. They didn't need to guess at God's will. I found out what they did differently that made them have such a close and wonderful relationship with God. It was their prayer life.

My goal was then to cultivate such a prayer life. I found out what worked best for me. In the morning I read aloud a chapter from the Bible. Reading it out loud keeps me from being distracted by my own wandering thoughts. Then I pray for the day ahead. In the evening I read aloud another Bible chapter and I highlight the verses that invite me to pray about them. I sing a praise song and then I look at my prayer list in my prayer journal. When people ask me to pray for them, I write their requests in my prayer journal. Then in my evening devotions I pray over the items on the list. I really get into it. I don't just read the list. I express out loud what outcome I'd like to see for my friends. I always end each prayer with, "Your will be done" or another expression of surrender.

I then pray about the verses I highlighted earlier in my quiet time. Then I check my spirit for suggestions about what else to pray for. Usually the Holy Spirit gives me additional things to pray about. I also take a moment each time to remember what Jesus went through for me — the torture, the humiliation, and the anguish. It breaks me inside each time, and it should! I do that so that I don't take for granted the gift of salvation He has given me, and to realize that without Him I would not be able to pray to God like I do now.

During my devotions I make an effort to acknowledge that Jesus is right there with me. It's an effort of the will to know that Jesus is with me. When I pray long enough I am blessed with the sense of His presence with me.

There is also something peculiar about my prayers that I don't impose on others but that I'd like to share with you. I don't pray twice for the same thing. Whatever I pray about, I acknowledge that God heard me the very first time and that He does not need to be convinced or even reminded of it. Jesus is not a reluctant God. Neither is He slow to understand. I used to pray many times about the same thing. But I realized that it encouraged the mindset that God did not hear, that He was ignoring my prayers, and that I had to beg in a way and convince him. It encouraged a spirit of frustration and resentment in me.

After each prayer I acknowledge that I've given the matter to Jesus, so now I can stop worrying about it. Each time the matter comes to my mind again, I acknowledge to myself that God is taking care of it because He is a faithful God. So then whatever the outcome I am at peace with it, knowing that His will is done. Praying only once about each thing helps me develop a spirit of sweet surrender.

My devotions usually last about an hour or more because I take so much pleasure in feeling His presence. When I first started this prayer regimen I didn't get much out of it. It was shorter at first, about twenty minutes. I increased the time of prayer gradually, following my own increasing desire for fellowship with Jesus. I also acknowledge every day that He must help me keep up with my prayer life. I do not have the discipline to do it on my own. He has to do it through me. That's part of surrender, too.

What motivates me to keep at it everyday, even though it would be so easy to skip it sometimes because I'm too tired, too sleepy, too busy, etc., is that I remember the rewards of a rich prayer life in the biographies I mentioned earlier. I want that! I want that faith so badly! I want such a closeness with God, and such spiritual power so deeply that I persevere. I may not see the results right away, but I know that the results of such a dedicated prayer life are bound to come. The more I pray, the more He gives me a desire to pray. After a while it's no longer a duty or an effort but a pleasure, a joy! Persevere in your daily devotions and you'll get there. It took me about two weeks. It may take less or more time for you.

It's just lately that I've finally understood that my relationship with Jesus is more important than anything else in my life. I finally got it that the root of my happiness and joy is to be found in that relationship and in none other. It was a wake up call to realize that this wonderful, deep, lifelong happiness could not be found in anybody else, or anything else, including marriage, family, wealth and success. Now, instead of wanting so many different things all at once, I just want, desire, and long for — far above everything else — to deepen my relationship with Jesus, to grow in communion with Him, to get ever closer and nearer to Him where that happiness that makes you cry is to be found forever.

Before this, when someone would talk about improving one's relationship with the Lord, I would not really get it. To me such a relationship was very abstract, like having a relationship with thin air. I mean, you can't see Jesus, you can't hear Him, you can't touch Him. How can such a relationship be more satisfying than one with a human being? But now I get it because of the time I have invested in my relationship with Him. Instead of just believing it, now I know that the happiness I longed for all my life is to be found in my relationship with Him. During my quiet time He reminds me of the prize, He reminds me of the fulfillment of having two clear goals in life: to bring the Good News to unbelievers, and to encourage the Church, the Body of believers.

You ask, "But how can I bring the Gospel to others? How can I build up the Church?" You find that out when you deepen your prayer life, because then God starts to talk back to you. Or rather, then you are finally able to hear His voice with your spirit. God has a plan for each one of us. He has good works for you to do. With His help you'll be able to successfully do the work He's given you. If you feel that you have no purpose and if you have a sense of emptiness in your life, it's because you do not know what work God wants you to do. You need to find out the purpose that He already has for you and has had before you were born. Why don't you find out what it is and start living a life of fulfillment in Christ? You will find out what work He wants you to do when you spend time with Him in prayer.

Do you really think that if you spend an hour a day in prayer, every day, consistently for several months, that you will not get results? Do you think that it will do nothing for your relationship with God? Do you think you'll keep on feeling empty inside if you did this?

No, I tell you this: you will start to really feel that God is a real living God and that He has things for you to do. He will let you know what to do and how, and open doors for you. Your life will start falling in place the way God meant it to. What I'm telling you is not a dream, it's real. It's not unattainable. It's available to you. But you need to sacrifice time and attention daily to turn to Jesus. It's worth it. Why don't you try it? Commit yourself to not skip a single day for a month. After a month, you'll see the difference in your life. After just one little month! Who knows what you'll discover in the Lord in that month!

You probably won't be able to pray for an hour right away. Just increase the length of time spent in prayer gradually. I started with twenty minutes, then without really realizing it, because I started to really enjoy my prayer time, it got longer and longer without much effort on my part. It's also important for your morale that you acknowledge to yourself and to the Lord that you can not be committed to your daily devotions without His intervention in you. He's the one who enables you to do it. Acknowledge that often so that you don't feel it's all on your shoulders.

I think of George Mueller and Keith Green and I know it's possible to have such a deep and satisfying and powerful relationship with God that enables me to do great works for Him.

How about you? Have you been missing out on the real Christian life too? It's not too late. You can have it. You can have this real life of fulfillment and joy. Just do it.

© 2004 Clariy